Is it time....what am i waiting for... ?

Is it sheer laziness...or is it that am not ready ?

What am i ready for ? What is there that i am looking for ?...dont think there is anything out there ....its in the nothing where there is everything that u want...its here in this moment .......its the moment which i need to embrace ...i need to live ...i need to breathe ....its the silence in between where life is at its closest...where we are as our thoughts go blank and the physicality of our existence suspends itself in a hole of mystical vacuum...we will find ourselves...and the banality of our perpetual run amok will then stop.

Is it time....what am i waiting for... ?

in the silence of chaos....

in the silence of chaos.....i search for something ...
in the silence of turbulent winds of desire ..i search for something ...
in the silence of those unspoken words ..i search for something.....
in the silence of that staring truth ..i search for something...

the secured insecurity....

i wonder how people live with such great amounts of insecurity......they are as if secured in the thick walls of their inherent feelings. kind of a masked life ...

i guess they forget that its a vicious cycle of living ones daily life with such insecure feelings leading to a defensive behaviour and there it is a personality sculpting itself into a wall which cant be penetrated for their own benefit.

where does this insecurity comes from ? is it a child of an individual or a society by and large. is it inherent form the moment we are cut off from the umbilical stump ?

dont really know.

But its there ..everywhere ...it shows its ugly face and i am not able to do anything about it.

If i stand against it ..then i am cursed with being anti-social.

If i go with it ..then i am cursed no lesser. But i feel i will choose the latter ...as its the only light which can show the truth to the ones secured in their insecurity.

Sense of deja vu...

I have been there and now again.

Sometimes running through the tinsel life we lose track of where we are and that precisely has happened with me. No, its not the first time and not sure whether it would be the last.

Those very ??? haunt me still and i have no answers yet.

Who am i ? Why i am here ?  Where am i going ? What for ?

I am nothing but a "THOUGHT"

We think and fret about success or failure in things which we assume are vital to our living. But seldom do we understand that we would live far beyond this disease of ours.

And if we do dare drop in the depths of our thought process, we are more puzzled what these tangible words like "success" or "failure" after all means. They are unfortunately very relative and thus could change depending upon who is looking at it and in what circumstances. So, fortunately they become as irrelevant as possible in the long run.

And if they are as they really are - then does it really mean our happiness has anything to do with them.

Certainly not.

Happiness as i understand is a state of mind, a fluidity in our consciousness which is least affected by the words we choose in our reality.

Every thing we feel such as being happy is an after product of the emotions we attach with them..our thoughts which we give words. What if we dissociate them. Then there are only thoughts and that again can be chosen.

I believe we are nothing but "Thoughts". Rest all is a mystery or a garb which we put on.

Its easier said than done....

I am nothing but a "Thought"...well said but is it implemented in practical daily life ..nah!
Its there with me for some moments, than as i get sucked into the daily routine as the day passes by.....there i am again lost in the ever deceiving virtual reality we live in.
It looks like a perpetual self reminding ritual which i guess i have to inculcate in myself to live by what i believe in.
No, its not hard but ya its very slippery and easily takes off its flight from our mind.
I wait eagerly to see how it would be....to be in control of thoughts...won't it be blissful ever..or will i get bored of the monotonous bliss-fullness. As they say " Variations is the essence of life" ...so does that mean that we need a variety of thoughts..some sullen and some happy ones ...is that a balanced life or so called desirable life.
I don't know..till then let me cherish what i have ..at least the bliss..ha!

Paradox....

Don't know why i love this word a lot, but it seems to be one thing which is there facing us head on in each and every aspect of life.Sometimes i get puzzled..isn't life in itself a paradox. I know its sounds strange and weird at one glance, but at the other when u sit knocking at the doors of your thick skull bone, u get answers ..not all but some at least.
Where r we heading to, what r we here for..what r we running for ...I, one among those thousands of restless souls just running..scattered all over. Happiness is a relative term. I feel Einstein was great enough to realise this fact and gave us something which stands out true not only for physical sciences but for the whole existence..."the theory of relativity". Ya, i like this word too.
There i am, getting restless again, my hands suddenly becoming numb and stuporous enough not to pen anything more..i will pen more whenever my grey cells spurt again something out of their lonely thoughts.

Unique as we are ....

                There was a stage in my life where i understand - i was confused, perturbed and say "undignified". I use this word as now i do not see any other way of living life.

             Comparison was the norm. Chaos and noise in the brain box about what i am doing, how am i in front of my best friends, how is that i am not  like my room mate, how's & why's occupied much of my daily hours. It indeed was a miserable life to live. Imagine every single moment u carry on with a parameter which is determined by the world. U would never be in peace for u can't be like all of them.

             But i guess dawn was on its way and one night, i told myself "nah, i ain't going this way" and eureka it stopped - the chaos. At this moment, i do have to admit that its gone but does bring back its demoniacal head at intervals but i guess its easy to chop it now.
            
            I realize being "Unique" is the nature's way of telling we exist because of that Uniqueness. Every single individual whether it be me or the man with no extremities who lives with dignity, women who is raped and nullified of her sanity gets up to create an organisation to take care of others, people like Stephen Hawkins, innumerable souls working in rural India trying to create health awareness without any facilities, a man in tamilnadu who serves food from all the hotels left overs  rather than throwing, my cook "pandu" in hostel who served us  day & night staying away from his wife / children with an attitude that was as reflective as written in Bhagawad Gita... we can count on ..it will never end.
          
              What is it that these humble beings bring to us, they bring us "HOPE"...an amazing life sustaining potion. They bring us the joy of thinking that not everything is over yet. I believe they are the life movers. They are what life represents itself  in its best form.

            They bring ashore the fact that life is beautiful as the way they are "Unique". It is this uniqueness of every individual that makes life an amazing garden of variety. What would be a garden if it has only one flower ?

            So, i am awake with this humbling yet powerful notion that its not them but its me "only me" who can give life its own blood to survive. Don't know whether this is what was referred to by many a masters who came along. I do get an inkling of that and hope to see more light at the end of the tunnel in this journey.